Hagetha Speaks On: Road Rage

I was driving home yesterday, minding my own business, when Hagetha showed up.

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She uses magic and what-not, appearing and disappearing whenever she pleases. As it turns out it was a great day to watch weird driving habits. Since she doesn’t drive, Hagetha had some interesting thoughts and commentary, sparked by a particular driver we were watching out for for a few miles; this driver (who might or might not have been the same guy with the, um, er… dangly bits on the back of his pick-up) ducked and weaved between lanes of cars until he exited the highway. So, for your enlightenment, here’s Hagetha’s thoughts on road rage.

We were just a smidge farther east… (Courtesy: hollywoodreporter.com)

Am I seeing this correctly? Why is he moving back and forth between lanes like that? I mean, none of the lanes is moving faster than the other at the moment, so what’s his deal?

At times like this, I don’t answer her (unless she says, “Answer me,” of course; these are almost always one-way conversations). After a second or two she continues:

Look at him–there he goes again! He’s gotten no farther along than when he was two lanes over! I understand how road rage happens now.

I took a chance and asked her what she meant.

If I were driving and saw some maniac jumping from lane to lane in this traffic, I would be disturbed by it. I might even be pushed so far as to invoke some sort of spell upon him, perhaps make his truck disappear and replace it with a tricycle (I warn her not to do so now, since it would probably cause more of a back-up than we were already in; she complies). You see, this is what happens, why there is road rage. Silly people doing silly things amongst well-meaning minions, er…drivers, creates upset, which in turn creates anger. And there you have it; one silly person upsets the wrong minion–I mean, driver–and chaos ensues. 

We watched the guy take an exit at break-neck speed, cutting from the middle lane across the slow lane. I couldn’t argue with Hagetha’s observation. She must have sensed what I was thinking because the next thing I knew, she’d disappeared again and I found her cooking up some gruel in her corner of the cave when I finally made it home.

Got something for Hagetha to speak on?

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Feel free to submit your questions to Hagetha in the form below. Unless you indicate otherwise, you are willing to be one of Hagetha’s minions (meaning you give her permission to use your name in her response).

 

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  1. Excellent as always! I find the older I get the less able I am to tolerate USELESS DANGEROUS drivers…I have become one of those people who shouts, ‘He didn’t even use his f***king indicator!’