Deblog 18: Another Un-Birthday

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L to R: Christopher, Me, Wendy and John (Whitesall). Photo from the 2011 Summer Concert Series – Stand Up for Salem. We were visiting family and got to go.

If you love me, please don’t call today.

Yes, I know what day it is, but it’s not a day for me to reminisce.

You may feel the need to do so and I will, in my own way.

I just need to do it differently than you.

Had he been on this side of the Rainbow Bridge today, Christopher would have welcomed his 62nd birthday.

But he did cross it and is not on this side of the Bridge.

It is his un-birthday.

I miss his voice, his smile, his brilliant mind, but I do not mourn because his physical being suffered so. I know that he’s well past that, which is why I have a reason to be glad for him. It is for that reason I cannot spend another moment looking wistfully backward. I did what he asked of me while I could. I gave him his flowers while the sun shone on his face and I could hold it in my hands and we could laugh until we cried and cried until we laughed …

Remember that time when …

Of course I do.

I remember every one of them from our 16 years together.

And although I stride daily toward my own date with the Rainbow Bridge, I do not do so with regrets because that is not what he wanted.

He told me so.

I am grateful for that because I think, had we not had the conversation, I would feel guilty for the laughter and joy I’ve had since he Left. After all, our plan was to live to be those amazingly old people who remained in their own home, drove themselves to church, and generally caused havoc.

I plan to do just that, God willing.

And as he wanted, I don’t plan to take the ride alone but am grateful for the opportunity to be joined by someone who loves life as much as I do.

And as much as he did.

Happy un-birthday, Christopher. I hope you’re having a blast. May we be well-met when God says it’s my turn.

 

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