The Starving Activist is the sometimes-home for words. AR Neal (that’s me) finds them, cultivates them, and leaves them here. Enjoy.

Irresistable Shares: Saturday Self-Portraits

Today was dreadful. My son has been in the hospital for a week and the people had me come in today and his demeanor made me want to shout, "Really?!? Have you had no home training? What's with the eating and not answering? What's with the no eye contact? What's with this attitude? Do you think this is a game?! Do you think I won't leave here and not look back?!" Huff, puff, growl. Inside, I looked like this:Since it was just about visiting hours, the nice therapist lady says, "Oh, you can stay and visit if you like, now that we have the plan settled."Settled? What is this settled of which you speak, woman? You are asking us to create some artificial, not-even-close-to-real-life situation at home for this guy so "he feels comfortable," instead of helping us 1) learn how to help him grow emotionally without trying to manipulate to get his way and 2) find an appropriate educational/vocational/living situation that will help him grow intellectually and emotionally. Oh, the mother doth ask to much.I ask my son if he wants me to visit. He sort of mumbles something that was supposed to be the equivalent of "yes."I ask what people do during the visits. He replies, "They talk to their children."Me: "Do the children talk back?""Him: "Sometimes."Me: [accompanied by "huff, puff, harumph, growl"] "So do you want me to visit or not?"Him: "You can go."Me: "Seeya."By the time I reached the first floor, I looked more like this:

In the end, I melted into a puddle of tears; I so disliked my child at that moment it was as close to searing hate as I've ever experienced. I was thankful that he hadn't been discharged at that time because it would not have gone well. Not that he would have necessarily done anything, but my attitude was so very wrong.

While I have no idea what the next steps are, we and the hospital folk are wise to my son's tricks. Does he have some issues? Yes. Is he playing the system to the hilt? Yes. And while I don't have an actual plan for when he comes home, other than to go along with the crap plan they said we should put into place to keep the peace in the house (note: my parents were never given any rules by which they were to keep the peace with me. Just sayin'.), I am more like this right now:

By tomorrow, who knows.

Saturday Centus Week 146: Little Billy

Picture It & Write: Lonely Teardrops