The Starving Activist is the sometimes-home for words. AR Neal (that’s me) finds them, cultivates them, and leaves them here. Enjoy.

Living on the Precipice, Pt. 2: New Messages Waiting

What?! Really? I didn't even know I'd signed up.There is someone just chomping at the bit to meet me. Me!! Me?All I have to do is click this itty bitty link and I'll be whisked away to dating heaven.Say what now?Yeah, I actually read the subject lines of my spam email messages. Today's winner was from an online dating service. Riiiiiight. Did I mention that I am marriaged already? I know that may not be much of an obstacle for some, but as for me and my house, we follow the 27th commandment (or maybe it was the 17th. We help out by making up new ones as we go along, since the Pharisees couldn't come up with enough to keep us happy. Riiiiiiight.): Thou shalt not date outside of marriage.Yeah, I know. It sounds a bit related to v. 14, here. But, no, wait, check it out, bruh...sis... it is really a sort of different but similar thing. What had happened was, we typically relate adultery to "doing it" with someone we aren't supposed to when married, right? So this I guess would, instead of being the 27th (or 17th) commandment, actually be the 7.5th commandment."I'm just talkin' to somebody," says your cubicle mate, while he/she twirls her/his wedding band. So, how do adulterous acts start, with a wink and a nod? Well, maybe but the point is most trysts begin with "innocent conversation."Let's talk a bit about the whole "innocent" thing.Scenario:

  • Married person gets email from online dating site indicating "new messages waiting"
  • Married person clicks on link, thus visiting online dating site
  • Married person is curious to know who is on the other side of the aforementioned "new messages" in online dating site
  • Married person begins "talking" to folks in online dating site

Some say it's just harmless fun. However, here's a question:What are the chances you won't eat a cookie if you are reaching into the cookie jar?Riiiiight.Here's a thought (or two. or five.): If you are married, betrothed, seriously dating, or otherwise committed to another person, save your chit-chat for him/her. If he/she isn't particularly verbal and you like to run at the mouth, figure out how to meet half-way; you didn't get together with him/her to cut and run at the first sign of difference, right? Or did you? If so, that requires a totally different conversation. If you connected because of something deeper than physical appearance (and if you only connected for physical appearance, that too requires a totally different conversation), then get over whatever it is that is making you think you can't talk to him/her about whatever it is that has made you go to or think about going to an online chatroom, social networking site, or whatever to digitally hook up.Now you might be saying, "He/she doesn't like what I like and so-and-so in such-and-such site does." Don't be shy now. Keep on reading. I see you blushing. Don't cut and run cuz I figured out your deal. We all have some kind of deal. Yeah, you're probably freaked out that I even said it wrote it out loud because I'm one of those nice Christ-following married ladies, right? Yeah, well, I am. Except maybe for the nice part. That comes and goes. Can't help it. But more importantly I'm also a realist: I know that we all have a deal and for some of us that deal involves liking stuff that our spouse/fiance/intended/special friend (ew...always disliked that one) doesn't. In my case, I like to watch "In the Heat of the Night" on my days off--and I've seen them all, many many many many times, and still turn on WGN to catch both episodes each weekday that I am home if possible--and my husband doesn't. That's my deal and I'm willing to put it out there. But I digress.So you like something that your spouse/fiance/intended/special friend (ew...) doesn't. Big deal. Ever heard of the word compromise? So does your spouse/fiance/intended/special friend (still ew...) have or do a thing that you don't like? Umhmmm, thought so. I don't like the fact that my husband can create beautiful works of art in, like, two seconds with a piece of crinkled paper and a badly used oil pencil. Well, maybe I like it a little. Suffice it to say that I am in awe of his talent and HAVE to say I don't like it to make myself feel better. But I digress again.Get over yourself, delete the message (or your chat account, or whatever) and remember why you are with this person in the first place. If things are not so good, try sitting down with him/her and together try to remember why you got together in the first place.Real love ain't easy and for that reason alone it is worth working for.

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Irresistable Shares 1: Loss and Change

Haboob Manifesto, Pt. 2: Not Your Fight